On the Dentist, Bananas, and Growing Up

I went to the dentist the other day. Aside from finding out my bottom left wisdom tooth is coming in perpendicular to the rest of my teeth, it was an uneventful visit. Still, uneventful doesn’t mean unworthy of a blog post right? Of course it doesn’t. While the dental hygienist went to work on my teeth, and trust me, she.went.to.work. I couldn’t help but think how I’ll never be as young as I was sitting in that chair again.

I know, 18 doesn’t seem old, but it does to me. I’ve always been one of the youngest kids in my class, so naturally, I always found myself wishing to grow up, wishing to catch up to everyone else. I couldn’t wait for armpit hair, facial hair, etc. (pubic hair kind of just happened one morning i don’t know) But now that I have more hair than I know what to do with, I kind of wish I still believed in wishes.

When I checked in at the dentist’s office, a lady handed me a clipboard and asked me to fill some paperwork out. I stood there dumbfounded like, “Mom can you fill this out for me while I play angry birds?” Except my mom wasn’t with me. I was at the dentist’s, alone, for the first time in my life. One of the questions read, “Have you ever had your teeth straightened?” I wrote, “Like braces? Yeah.” Another question, “Do your gums bleed?” Another answer, “If I brush hard enough.” The sad thing is, I wasn’t trying to be funny. Maybe I’m just not good at filling out paperwork, or maybe I’m just not ready to.

I don’t like to be unprepared. Sometimes I’m too lazy to get prepared, but I’ll still complain about how I’m not prepared. But a lot of things just happen when they happen, whether we’re ready or not. Life just happens. I was driving somewhere with a friend and out of nowhere he’s like, “You ever think how 10 years ago we were buying Pokemon cards, playing with Dragonball Z action figures, and watching “Hey Arnold?” But 10 years from now we’ll probably be married, have a kid or two, and be paying taxes?” So maybe those weren’t his exact words, but it got me thinking. A) I’m a fucking 90′s kid and B) Do I have more in common with the me from 10 years ago or the me 10 years from now?

In a lot of ways, I’m still the kid from 2003. I might not be buying Pokemon cards at Target anymore, but I’m definitely still wasting my money on other shit like video games and shoes. And instead of “Hey Arnold,” I’m watching Medieval midgets bang on the reg. in “Game of Thrones.” I still pretty much think the world revolves around me, the only job I’ve ever had involves taking 4th graders to mini golf or Playtime America, and my grandma still gives me money on Halloween and Easter. Like, GRANDMA YOU LIVE OFF SOCAIL SECURITY KEEP YOUR MONEY! Anyway, my point is, if I was a banana, I’d be more green than yellow. And if I was mature, I wouldn’t be making banana metaphors.

But maybe there’s more to my banana metaphor than meets the eye. The sooner a banana ripens, the sooner it rots. What good does it do to be mature at 18? Aren’t we expected to fuck up? Isn’t that why Blink-182 exists? I guess I’d just prefer to be uneaten awhile longer.